Comments on: New poem… please read it =) xxx help me improve it thank you yahoo! x?

By: Britney Spears

Britney Spears — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:17:59 +0000

Its excellent! i like it, i love your use of old language it makes me think of William Blake who is one of my favourites, thanks for posting it.
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By: wonderwoman

wonderwoman — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:53:59 +0000

I think you left out face in his evil ( ) i see your enemy other wise fantastic!!!! whooo hooo! My mom’s name is Jane I wish I had a printer I would have printed it for her!

Print it on Poetry.com

Smooches

WonderWoman
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By: betty

betty — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:32:59 +0000

Poetry is about creating images with words and about saying things in the spaces between the words and the mere association of words.
I’m sure your poem makes many a subtle reference but it would be easier to read if it was Real. It reads like a parody of something else. It is false.

I couldn’t actually read the whole thing. There may be many a great poem with "thy" and "doth" but no-body speaks like that now, and feelings of love to not change just because our vocabulary does- so you should be able to write a much more powerful poem using modern day language.
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